“Nothing sucks the magic out of an attraction quite like a blood-curdling scream of somebody else’s child…”
It’s one of those concepts that, I’ll admit, can be a bit tough to wrap your head around at first – the thought that not every single thing to see or do at Walt Disney World is suitable for children of all ages – but it’s a topic that I think certainly deserves a bit of discussion, especially after my latest trip to the parks! The tale went a little something like this…
It was a cool, Sunday afternoon – a bit chilly, in fact, and we were hoping that the cold would help keep the crowds down to give us a better chance to see as much as possible. Our party consisted of me, my girlfriend and my Dad, and at the time we were looking forward to a bit of good, old educational fun at The Universe of Energy starring Ellen DeGeneres and of course, Bill Nye the Science Guy! Nothing helps warm a body up like witnessing the big bang, I tell ya…
But sadly, a bit of the show was lost to us this time around because directly in front of us was a family of five that included an infant that couldn’t have been older than two years old, and needless to say, he or she didn’t care too much for the big bang … or the gigantic dinosaurs … or pretty much anything else that made loud noises throughout the 37-minute presentation. Baby screamed and cried, Mom and Dad shook their heads, and the rest of us tried to tune it out.
I know that I personally missed a lot of the little jokes that are scattered throughout the show this time, but I felt worse for my Dad who hadn’t seen the show in over a decade and doesn’t have the luxury to come back whenever he chooses.
But honestly, what do you do? Unfortunately, the argument in favor of the two year-old speaks, or screams, volumes in this case – how were the parents really supposed to know??? Ellen’s ride might be pretty intense, but it’s certainly no Mission: Space or Test Track – the two real thrill rides of the park – and frankly, the guidebook really doesn’t offer much for recommendations, seeing as the only “child frightening” attraction in the park is allegedly Honey, I Shrunk the Audience, and who really reads signs like the ones above, anyways?! But seriously, if you ask me I wouldn’t subject a young child to most of the attractions at Epcot, if anything simply because while they are generally quite educational, you have to first be in a particular place before you’re really able to take any of that in and I’m sorry, but most little kids aren’t exactly at that point yet! Sure, get up into maybe ages five or six and now they’re going to school, hopefully reading books, and you’d probably be able to peak some interest with just about any of the attractions here – don’t get me wrong, I’m all for education while having a good time – but until you’re ready for it, you’re really just torturing yourself, your children, and everyone else around you…
So my plea this month is a message that really can apply to just about anyone preparing to step foot inside the Happiest Place on Earth, however for this particular chapter we’re going to focus solely on the parents in the crowd – Know what you’re getting yourselves into, plan ahead, and set your expectations accordingly! I truly think that a lot of people wind up having a less than magical time at Walt Disney World simply because they don’t know what to expect and they want to do absolutely everything before they leave in a week (or less), and even if you’re traveling alone, that’s certainly nowhere near reasonable, so factor in baby and her naps and her short attention-span and you’re either going to drive yourself crazy or at the very least drive everyone else around you crazy once you’ve learned to tune out that high-pitched wail that can only mean, “For God’s sake, can we please go back to the hotel room and take a nap already?!”
Parents, this means two pieces of homework for you – know your theme parks, and more importantly, know your own kids. Before you can ever expect them to behave in public, you need to have a firm understanding of who they are and where they’re coming from, and it’s only fair to the rest of us visiting the parks that you’re willing to stand firm when somebody needs a nap, if you know what I’m saying! Maybe you’ve got one of those new model, nuclear-powered children that can run non-stop from 8am to 10pm and have no doubts that little Johnny should be able to keep up with Mom and Dad just fine, but let me tell you in all my stays on property using Disney transportation, very few things grind my gears more than seeing Mom or Dad with a passed out child on his or her shoulder – at 8pm or later – on their way to one of the parks for the evening! No good can come from this scenario, and I definitely understand that one because I, for one, don’t like being woken up either – and there’s nothing like being woken up in the middle of ten or twenty thousand people to really start you off on the wrong foot…
At the end of the day, I think a lot of it is just a courtesy thing, both for your own children and for everyone around you, because to just haul around a cranky, screaming child for hours because you want to do something simply isn’t very good parenting in my eyes, and it certainly doesn’t show a whole lot of respect for me, your fellow theme park patron who just waited in line for an hour for the same ride, only to miss half of it because you didn’t realize that your baby might get scared by animatronic creatures that could eat the family sport utility vehicle for breakfast. Besides, reading up on everything that you’re going to get to do on your upcoming vacation is half the fun of planning anyways, so take your time and do your homework so you will know that the Magic Kingdom is probably better for your four year-old because it’ll give him a chance to meet all of the characters and ride Dumbo and all of the other great things to do that don’t involve a loud, yet educational trip through time that’s really aimed at a slightly older audience. From my own site to countless others online (some great ones are listed on the links page of Walt Disney World Through My Eyes), there’s a ton of information out there to help prepare a family vacation of any capacity, from babies and little children to even great big ones like myself, and once you’ve got a bit of info under your own hat, it’ll make choosing which rides to explore and which rides to bypass immensely easier … and of course, everyone will be much happier because of it!
And I know that it can be kind of tough to walk by attractions that you really had your heart set on because the little ones just wouldn’t enjoy it, but remember this – you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it, either, if the kids are having a bad time, and if anything, maybe a few years down the road when they’re eight or ten Splash Mountain will be the one that they’re dragging you on when you make your return! It may be tough to let the kids drive when you’re in the middle of such a magical place, but memories are what you make of them – just ask my parents, who allegedly were subjected to riding It’s a Small World some thirteen times when they first took me to the Magic Kingdom when I was five because I just seemed to love the ride that much!
It's a Small World ... KIDS are small ... coincidence???
Kids and their parents at Walt Disney World, smiling and having fun together, and hopefully without either party wishing they were elsewhere taking a nap – that’s the way Walt would’ve wanted it…